Where one thing inevitably leads to another, and a ridiculous adventure full of mishaps ensues?
Well, our version would be called, "If You Buy a Littlest Pet Shop Toy..."
Snuggle up with a cozy blanket and let me entertain you during story time. Ready?
"If you buy a Littlest Pet Shop toy, it's going to come with cool little accessories.
If you have fun playing with the tiny pieces of fruit, so will your cat.
If your cat chases the plastic fruit around the house, at some point he'll end up swallowing it.
If he swallows it, it'll end up making holes in his liver and kidneys.
If he gets holes in his liver and kidneys, he'll need major surgery.
If he needs major surgery, he'll have to go to the animal hospital.
While you're visiting him at the hospital, you'll wonder why one of the photos in the waiting room features dogs doing things not quite appropriate for a children's book.
If you wonder why there are explicit doggie pictures in the waiting room, you'll then realize this is Russia--and anything goes.
If you realize this is Russia and anything goes, you won't be surprised when your cat who is still in critical condition is released to you for extremely involved and difficult care at home.
If your cat is released in critical condition and requires extremely difficult care at home, you won't be surprised by two pages of hard-to-follow instructions about his various medications and shots.
If you have to follow two pages of hard-to-follow instructions about various medications and shots, you'll have to administer crushed pills by syringe three times per day.
If you have to administer crushed pills by syringe three times a day, your cat is going to get very angry and scared.
If your cat gets angry and scared, he may accidently puncture a major vein on your hand with his claw.
If he punctures a major vein on your hand, you'll bleed. A lot.
If you bleed a lot, you'll lose consciousness and somehow end up at the other end of your house, on the floor, with no recollection of how you got there.
If you end up unconscious on the floor with no recollection of how you got there, you'll crawl to wake up your husband and cry for help.
If you cry for help, you'll end up going to the hospital.
If you go to the hospital, they'll wrap your hand and give you a tetanus shot and antibiotics.
If they wrap your hand and give you a tetanus shot and antibiotics, they'll also want you to travel to the other side of Moscow to a public hospital where you could wait in line all day to get the first of six rabies shots.
If they want you to travel to the other side of Moscow to a public hospital where you could wait all day to get the first of six rabies shots, you'll think you've had enough to blog about for one day--and head home.
If you think you've had enough to blog about for one day and head home, your daughter will want to cheer you up as soon as she sees your bandaged hand.
And if she wants to cheer you up, she'll bring you her favorite Littlest Pet Shop toy..."
It has been a l-o-n-g day.
